December 17, 2015

If you know me, really know me, you know how difficult and stressful my dad can be. Today I sent my first 4 college applications. I texted my dad hoping for a good job/congratulations. Instead he gave me two thumbs down lol. Then tried to tell me I wouldn't want to be there, he doesn't want me at these schools. But to be fair, he did not contribute in anyway to helping me build a college list so does he really have a say as to where I apply. Especially considering he didn't have to pay for the application. My dad is terrified of me growing up, turning 18, and graduating high school then going off to college, he doesn't think I know so it's fun to watch him just look at me like "Damn, my #1 is almost gone" . In the end he said good job when he realized my reasoning was right lol

December 10, 2015

Make this short and simple. 

There are a lot of people that need to grow up and limit their ignorance. That's all

December 3, 2015

It's the first week of December. My birthday is later this month which means I'll be legal, finally. Since the beginning of the year I've stressed myself out more than I needed too. I've learned one way of dealing with it: by cutting those that bring me down out of my life. If I feel you aren't bringing me any sort of happiness and I can control whether you stay in my life or not, I will end our friendship. It could be all of a sudden or I can be straightforward about it. Either way, my ultimate goal this year is to stay as happy as possible. I don't want to deal with basic high school nonsense because let's face it, we're seniors, we're all either 18 or going on 18. If you haven't grown up by now, there must be a reason. In the past six months, my life has flip flopped around more than anything, more than I would've ever expected. Besides being happy, all I really need is normal. Too much to ask for?

Thanksgiving Break Thoughts

When do you finally realize that it's time to stop caring, stop trying, stop pretending. How many times does your heart have to ache before you realize to just stop? You don't realize it the first time he hurts you or the second time because you forgive you. Because you love him. Because you don't want to think about how your heart, your feelings, your thoughts will be without him. But then when he hurts you for the third time, you just laugh it off and pretend you're strong enough not to care as much as you're known to. Because it's better to act like you knew it was coming, it was expected rather than it's new to me. 

You've been hurt so many times that you've learned to mask it. For the most part. You cry, you become angry. But you don't tell every breathing soul why in that moment because having to explain your failure and naiveness is painful. Having to explain you've given him more than enough chances is hard and you're judged by those that have either warned you or don't even know what you're feeling. You don't wanna talk to those that know because you don't want their strong willed advice or lack of pity. You wanna talk to those that don't know because at least with them you look a little sane and just sad. 

Your pillow, your arm, the stuffed animal that brings you comfort are soaked in your tears. They've felt and seen more of your pain more than your best friend has. Will ever have. They've heard all your screams. Your sniffling. Your shortness of breathe. And all they can do is be there and deal with it, time after time. All because you haven't realized when it's time to stop caring, stop trying and stop pretending. Maybe you will. Maybe you won't.

November 19, 2015

Today was just one of those days where you don't want to deal with anyone, especially the people you try to avoid. From the moment I turned off my alarm at 6 a.m., I literally rolled out of bed and spent 15 minutes wondering if I should bother showing up. I left my house and told myself that I wasn't going to tolerate anyone's shit today, regardless of who you are. My real friends can tell when I don't really want to be bothered with and will keep their distance for the most part until I feel like talking. By 3rd period I cheered up a bit and just handled my emotions, checking the time every 10 minutes, texting my best friend the entire day and when given the chance-put my headphones in. Seniors can't stress this enough, "When is Graduation"?

Introduction

My blog, I guess, will be pretty basic. I mean, I'm going to be talking about myself. What I think, what I believe, how I feel, what I like and dislike so enjoy. Most of you don't actually know anything about me. And for those that think you do, you honestly don't. There are maybe 5 of friends that REALLY know me. Most can I say I'm mean or a bitch...I can agree to an extent. I just don't have an issue with being honest about how people's actions irk me. Some of my likes include superheroes, no thanks to my dad. I enjoy writing lyrics and just listening to music. I prefer for the most part to be in my lonesome with either music, amazing collection of actually decent movies and or tv shows. But I appreciate my friends more than anything. Something I don't like is the lack of common sense some people lack, the first that comes to mind. Listing all my dislikes will take up way too much time when it's not even that important. Hopefully this blog will be a way to let go of what I keep to myself.