When do you finally realize that it's time to stop caring, stop trying, stop pretending. How many times does your heart have to ache before you realize to just stop? You don't realize it the first time he hurts you or the second time because you forgive you. Because you love him. Because you don't want to think about how your heart, your feelings, your thoughts will be without him. But then when he hurts you for the third time, you just laugh it off and pretend you're strong enough not to care as much as you're known to. Because it's better to act like you knew it was coming, it was expected rather than it's new to me.
You've been hurt so many times that you've learned to mask it. For the most part. You cry, you become angry. But you don't tell every breathing soul why in that moment because having to explain your failure and naiveness is painful. Having to explain you've given him more than enough chances is hard and you're judged by those that have either warned you or don't even know what you're feeling. You don't wanna talk to those that know because you don't want their strong willed advice or lack of pity. You wanna talk to those that don't know because at least with them you look a little sane and just sad.
Your pillow, your arm, the stuffed animal that brings you comfort are soaked in your tears. They've felt and seen more of your pain more than your best friend has. Will ever have. They've heard all your screams. Your sniffling. Your shortness of breathe. And all they can do is be there and deal with it, time after time. All because you haven't realized when it's time to stop caring, stop trying and stop pretending. Maybe you will. Maybe you won't.
